"Hi. Wassup. My name is Cutes-E Stepford. Don't worry if you feel like strangling me face down in a bathtub, I get that a lot. I'm only here to make the rest of these perfumed ponces seem masculine by comparison. As you can tell, underneath the cherub looks I've got a real wry sense of humour. That's cos I smoke forty cigarettes a day and my nerves are shot cos I get all the weeeird fanmail.

Malvin's the name. I guess folks see me as the resident dish du jour. I tried out for modelling once but was waaay too short. However I'm also a very spiritual person and kind of act as band philosopher. I've put together my own discipline. It's a mix of kickboxing and yogic flying, with elements of primal scream therapy. I call it Yo-Bo. Stardom is a big woman's egg we all want to fertilize and Stepford's are the winning jism, I guess. Before every concert I get the guys to scream that.

Greetings to all our fans. Yann Stepford here. I'm the homely but talented one whose presence you half-tolerate cos you feel you must. I write our hit singles. We're a band proper, you know. Even after I pay producers and ghost writers I still earn five times the rest of the band. My dad's an investment consultant and he's helping me build a portfolio of out-of-town restaurants. Possibly called Stepford Fries.

Respect, niggaz. Antix on the microphone. It's tough work being the wild man of the band. People don't realise. So anyway I'm currently on bail. A little matter of headbutting a crackwhore off a moving speedboat. Oh, and one count of possession of semtex. That was our manager's idea. He gets me to say crazy stuff. That t-shirt? Jesus Is Not A Cunt, You Are? His idea.

Hell. o. there. my. name. is. just. plain. bor. ing. old. Phill. Stepford. I. get. attacked. in. the. press. They. say. I'm. Phill. by. name. fill-er . by. na. ture. but. I. like. to. see. my. self. as. the. glue. that. holds. the. ma. chine. to. geth. er. and. I. do. do. lots. For. ex. am. ple. I'm. the. sec.ond. tall. est. Al. so. I. park. the. tour. bus. some. times. too. I. even. made. up. the. spoken. intro. for. our. new. re. lease. En. Joy!

Please U (All We Wanna Do)

(Intro)

Deep inside my lonely teardrops

I'm crazy from the bottom of my heart

Crazy like a door whispering 'I'm locked," girl

You're the love key in the clock, girl, but the time is half past falling apart

(Main)

We're in heaven twenty four seven

Tellin you you look great in everything you're wearing

Tellin you you're special, beautiful and caring

Even if you're overweight, obnoxious or stark-staring

We are going to compliment and please U

Why? Because you pay us to?

Yup Yup Yup Yup Yup U-HuH Yup Yup Yup Yup Yup U-HuH

(repeat)